Spills! Thrills! ...all
from Pills
Our
hilarious spoof on the serious side-effects of Aids drug cocktails.
Yeah... and here at Poz we just can't stop giggling about
it. Party on Dudes!
Comments
by
Fintan Dunne are in this color.
AIDS drugs -- like most others -- have the potential to produce
not only great benefits but also discomfort in the form of troubling
side effects. Like the discomfort of being
dead - for example. Which leads to two critical rules:
No. 1: Tell your doc everything.
No. 2: Always follow Rule No. 1.
No. 3: The Doctor is a Divine Being.
If you've talked to doc about possible side effects before starting
therapy, you'll be better prepared. If there's one that might be
life-threatening, you'll know what to watch for (feeling
like you are dying is one good indicator).
If it's likely that this will improve over time, it might be easier
to convince yourself to stick with the drug. Or
for us to convince you anyway. Know that as the body adjusts
to a new med, you may experience headaches, nausea, muscle pain
or dizziness, all of which may disappear within two to six weeks.
Or may not.
And know also that you're not alone: Countless mugs
like you are feeling the same things you are -- and misery
loves company you weaklings. So even
if the symptom seems too awful to handle long term, talk to your
co-sufferers, soak a few shoulders if you must and hang in there
for a couple of months until you are dependant
on our drugs.
Regardless of the specific symptom, always seek a full diagnosis
of all possible contributing causes other
than our drugs. What you're feeling may be the med -- or
it could be a hormone problem, a nutrient deficiency, an infection,
depression, HIV itself or countless other factors. Anything
except our drugs!
By examining all the possibilities, you'll maximize your chances
of eliminating the symptom and maybe avoid switching meds unnecessarily.
Which is something you should never- ever-
ever do. Not ever.
The list of side effects that follows includes a wide range of
strategies that may allow you to have your cake and eat it too --
like getting presents from Santa Claus in
June.
Changing drugs can be your last-ditch option. Absolutely
(repeat- absolutely) your last-ditch option. Don't worry if you
are friggin dying. Just don't do something dumb like switching to
a drug from a competitor.
But (Rule No. 1) always ask doc. Our agent,
actually.
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Know These
Numbers
The following tests can provide a report
card on the damage that AIDS drugs may have done to your cells
and organs. Ask your doctor every two to three months. Or
else your next of kin can ask.
HOW'S MY LIVER?
A biopsy will show the kind, extent and location
of the damage. Or a post-mortem,
even.
HOW ARE MY
KIDNEYS? Creatine and BUN on
your standard blood chemistry and creatine clearance in a
24-hour urine collection will show kidney damage.
HOW ARE MY BLOOD
CELLS? Your red blood cell,
white blood cell, neutrophils, platelets, hematocrit and
hemoglobin on your standard blood cell count will show anemia,
low platelets or low white-blood-cell counts from bone marrow
suppression or other causes.
HOW'S MY HEART? Cholesterol, HDL cholesterol, LDL cholesterol,
total cholesterol/HDL cholesterol ratio and triglycerides on
your standard blood chemistry will show elevated blood fats
that can lead to heart disease. Measuring high on the standard
blood-pressure measure indicates heart disease.
Follow-up: High-sensitivity C-reactive protein, a
blood test, is a strong predictor of heart disease. An ankle-brachial blood pressure index
(ABI), which compares ankle and arm blood pressure,
indicates increased risk of heart disease; a rest or stress electrocardiogram (ECG or
EKG) can reveal a heart condition by measuring
electrical activity. An echocardiogram
(cardiac echo) can indicate a heart condition via
ultrasound.
B-mode (ultrafast)
ultrasound, which measures the
thickness of key arteries, can indicate subclinical
atherosclerosis. An electron-beam CT
scan can detect calcium deposits within the coronary
arteries. Cardiac magnetic resonance
imaging (MRI) can provide a clear picture of arterial
changes. An angiogram, an invasive
procedure, creates a clear X-ray of the coronary
arteries. |
APPETITE LOSS
"No thanks, I couldn't possibly,
..I had a kilo of tablets earlier"
Although discontinuing the offending drug will usually bring quick
relief, this is often not the best option because
we can't make money when you don't take the frigging pills. Comprende?
So consider some other approaches.
First, there may be other causes: infections and fever; abnormal
levels of hormones or of cytokines; and nutrient deficiencies. There
are 101 reasons unrelated to the pills.
BODY DISTORTIONS
Humps and bumps and lumps . . . oh my!
Loss of fat in the face, arms, buttocks and legs; enlarged breasts
and bellies; buffalo humps between the shoulders; and lipomas (fatty
tumors) anywhere -- are at the top of most HIVers' "Please, God,
no!" lists. Just look at the wacky guy in
the cartoon above. He looks pregnant! What a gas. Some people look
like freakin' camels, fer Chrissakes! This must be the most funny
side-effect of all. Tee hee hee.
The cause is not understood, but many researchers think that it's
probably a combination of med effects and the HIV infection itself
(including the immune system's response to it). Or
maybe just the meds. Unfortunately, discontinuing meds does
not always reverse the problems, so tough
shit guys. Sunny side up, ok?......OK!
(see "The
New AIDS Look," POZ, June 2000) for
Aids fashion to die for!
BONE DEATH
Holey hips, Batman!
you are so, so.. Hip!
The thigh bone's no longer connected to the hip bone. Tee
hee. That could be your problem if you develop the tongue-trippingly
named avascular necrosis of the femoral head -- a bone disease in
which there is tissue death in the hip. Necrosis...
avascular... (shit man -- only people with degrees know what that
crap means).
Studies from both Georgetown University and the University of California
at San Francisco have indicated that protease inhibitors can cause
this hip-nipping nasty. Nasty Hip nip. Nip
nip nickin, finger-lickin good ! Smacko! wacko.... way cool Aids
meds... go go go!!!
If it progresses too far, however, the only thing that works is
hip replacement. Ouch.
Yeah... Ouch as they give you a plastic hip. What a giggle!
DIARRHEA The runs for your
money
Diarrhea -- an increase in the frequency and decrease in the consistency
of stools -- can be caused by many antiretrovirals.
If the onset or sudden worsening of diarrhea occurs shortly after
beginning a med, it's a likely suspect. Duh!
But there's often more than one cause, including infections and
parasites; fat intolerance and malabsorption; lactose intolerance;
excessive sugar or caffeine; and stress. Etc,
etc, etc..
FATIGUE
Sick and tired of being sick and tired? Sick
of this condescention?
Just taking all those drugs can sap some people's strength.
The energy loss caused by meds will sometimes disappear after a
period of time on those drugs (so you may want to consider waiting
to see if the fatigue passes). Remember- you
don't even want to consider stopping the medication. Other people
gotta eat too ya know.
GAS AND BLOATING
"Oops, I cleared the room again
Hey! who just farted? Tee Hee."
The odiferous intestinal gas and abdominal bloating that protease
inhibitors can cause often continue for as long as the drugs are
taken, but will usually "pass" quickly if the offending drugs are
discontinued. When stopping is not an option, (repeat,
not an option) some HIV doctors have found that taking pancreatic
enzymes can often eliminate the problem.
NEUROPATHY
Stop working my nerves!
It is extremely important that drugs causing neuropathy be stopped
immediately after symptoms begin in order to prevent permanent problems.
Doing so usually allows the pain and numbness to subside and eventually
-- up to several months later -- stop. Or,
you may be in permanent pain for life.
Read more Aids Myths debunked at www.AidsMyth.com
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